Love Yourself

The Courage to Follow Your Dream To Its Completion

2010-11-19T14:34:00.002-05:00

Many would say that completion of any major endeavor takes skill, patience, and persistence. I say that projects are completed due to a good dose of courage to see past the seemingly insurmountable obstacles, push past the looming image of self-doubt, and the perception that the finish line will never be in sight. Without courage, very little would ever be accomplished.

Those with enormous visions are well-aware, sometimes too aware, of the pitfalls which await them. There will be those who turn back without even starting; too afraid to face the problems sure to befall them. Some will start with good intentions, but after besting some issues, find themselves too overwhelmed to dare face another two or ten concerns. And then there will be the few who refuse to quit. These individuals address each potential disaster as an opportunity to put to good use the skills accrued from facing other obstacles. From each negative, a positive is derived and skill and confidence both grow.

With advanced skill and belief in themselves, these people conquer the resistance of outside circumstances, fear within themselves, and the need to win the approval of others. They are determined and apply keen focus to transform mountains into molehills, easily sidestepping difficulties which would otherwise trip less courageous individuals.

It is natural to want to preserve peace and harmony within oneself, so maintaining the status quo is comfortable, but complacent. Bursting our own bubble of self-contained surety in our surroundings allows us the opportunity to grow by pitting us against our own will, persistence, and ability to defy fear. When we reach out for more, taking risk with notions of our own possibilities and frailties, and continue down the path to its end, ignoring the comfort of settling back into our accustomed rut, we display our courage to look in the mirror, decide our true desires, win and lose in the fight, but never stop progressing until the dream is realized.

Keep pushing through adversity

2010-06-22T12:21:00.002-04:00

Life can really get us sometimes. Try as we might, life doesn't always go according to plan. Sometimes the deviation is slight. Sometimes it is near catastrophic (in our eyes, at least). Whatever the case, we find ourselves in a situation different than we had imagined.

Adversity, even if a stumbling block, is not a stopping block. Like a reed that gains cell wall strength from the constantly battering of the wind, so do we also strengthen when tested by out of the norm situations. As we weather the trials and tribulations that come with adversity, we gain confidence in our ability to weather future storms. We have the tools at hand to take on another challenge and best it.

Adversity affords us the opportunity to transform our unpleasant situations. We are sometimes forced to approach our intended goal in a different manner and in doing so, we learn about the task at hand, and about ourselves. We are encouraged by our own ability to face the adversity head-on and to make the best of an uncomfortable situation. We can acknowledge our responsibility in creating our present situation and assess how we will move on.

Use adversity not only as a stepping stone, but as a launch pad to bigger things. It is easy to become complacent and adversity provides the constant test of our mettle. Step up to the plate and take on adversity and you will see that you will win time after time.

Swing freely

2009-12-16T15:52:00.000-05:00

Attachment to bad experiences in our lives serve as anchor points which prevent us from moving forward and enjoying life's every possibility. Not only do these anchors prevent forward progress, but they offer a comfortable rut which effectively feeds our negative ideas and validate our ego.

When we think of ego, we often think of our pride. Our ego tells us we are important and actions done to us are personal. Therefore when we are wronged, our ego screams, "How could this happen to ME!" as if the offender was out to get us. It may seem as such, but rather the other person is acting in a way that serves him/her regardless of the effect on us. The inconsiderate guy that cuts us off and nearly runs us off the road has no vendetta against us, and yet we react to his car swerving as if he was personally out to kill US. The untrained ego has very little perspective outside of us being the center of the universe.

We become mired in the pain that was inflicted upon us and see the situation in a very black and white way as them against us. If we fail to resolve the issue, understand our culpability in the situation, and move on, we allow a hurt to fester and slowly eat at us. We can all recall a painful incident with an individual that smarts as much as it did when it first happened. Recollection is healthy, but rumination is not. It is important to recognize the patterns which place us in situations that may or may not be to our benefit. However, when we walk around with a suspicious eye, waiting for the axe to fall so to speak so that we may be prepared, we are robbing ourselves of the freedom to experience life unencumbered; without the ghosts of the pasts clouding our present.

Releasing ourselves from the binding of pain can help us get an objective view of ourselves and those who surround us. We will forever be affected by any given incident, but we cannot be solely defined by it. The infinite opportunities for happiness can seemingly disappear when our focus is on that which is/was wrong. As all things change and evolve, we must allow our hearts to forgive and breathe openly so that the light of life may shine through.

Unhinge yourself from past pains so that you may swing freely through life as intended.

Your vision, Your way

2009-12-01T15:28:00.000-05:00

There are few people in our lives that are as supportive as our close family and friends. They are the ones who shout encouragement to you when you feel you have nothing left to give.

However, their support is bounded by the limits of their imagination. At a certain point, their tireless shouts of, "You can do it," start turning into "You might be able to do it," to “Do you think you can handle that," and finally to "You are crazy if you think you can do that." It's not that they no longer believe in our individual capabilities. Rather their fear and insecurity overshadow their well-meaning thoughts, rendering them incapable of seeing past their own limits. So they place these imaginary limits on others.

Everyone has his/her own talents to share with the world. These talents help shape and mold our notions of our purpose and what we hope to accomplish along out life's journey. As each vision is individualized, so is the ability to clearly see the vision and its potential. If we start looking at our vision through another's eyes, surely the view will be warped or distorted in some way as our perspectives are uniquely ours. Our methods of idea conception, development, and execution are ultimately ours and should be dealt accordingly.

This does not negate the helpful input others have to enhance and embellish others' ideas. We should be discerning in the information that we receive and filter through others' fears and extract only which will be helpful in our situation. And after all is said and done, if the idea is less than successful, many lessons will be learned and there's no tarnish on our abilities. We will know we saw our idea to the end, did our best, and we better for having experienced all successes and failures. We did not accomplish what we set out to do, but we weren't mired by others' inabilities, and so we will not be plagued by what ifs which nag at us incessantly.

Believe in yourself and your vision no matter the naysayers, and you will see your highest dreams come true.

Manage your expectations

2009-10-29T13:26:00.001-04:00

Everyone remembers the story of the little train that could. The refrain “I think I can” is so simple and yet so effective. Despite the ‘obvious’ obstacles to our goals, if we think we can, we ultimately can. And if we don’t try, then we definitely cannot.

That little train had to address two issues. One was allowing himself to want more. The other was believing he could do more. Often people think that they should keep their goals within a “realistic” range. We believe that if we keep expectations to what seems possible, we’ll never be disappointed. In reality, by limiting our goals, we never fully realize what we can accomplish with that extra bit of push and motivation to satisfy ourselves. By erecting a glass ceiling, we satisfy our need to reinforce our positive image of ourselves. We set a goal and we are responsible enough to achieve it. However, if that goal is less than ambitious, we are curtailing our abilities to stretch further and do so much more. In the short run, we are cheating ourselves, and in the long run we’ll eventually realize it and shatter all notions of our positive self image.

We have to be willing to face our mistakes along our journey and give them their appropriate weight. A setback is no indication that the goal should have been set closer. Rather, we no have learned one of the ways that we will not get to our goal and we adjust accordingly. It is this continual adjustment of our approach which allows us to surmount obstructions in the road and make it farther than we would have previously dreamed. All the tools to achieve what we want are within us. We just have to believe that we have the will, ability, and perseverance to see our trials through.

Keep your personal expectations high and you'll keep amazing yourself with what you can accomplish.

Procrastination

2009-09-14T16:55:00.000-04:00

Procrastination is often the cause of failures and less successful outcomes in our lives. We are unwilling to put forth the effort to begin a project, make it work, and see it to its completion. Though we are aware of the sense of satisfaction that is sure to come from completing the process, the mere act of starting can be more arduous that the task itself.

It is easy to conclude that procrastination is borne of pure laziness. Who else but a lazy person would let life pass him/her by all while suffering in the process. If we assume the majority of people in our society want to take active and positive roles in their daily activities, it would be too simple to assert that laziness is the root cause. Going deeper than the surface problem, we can see that at its core, fear is the culprit.

We fear that we are not equipped to handle a situation and so we put it to the side. Maybe we are overwhelmed by the sheer scope of the project. Perhaps we are missing components to make the process go along smoothly, or we are scared that it won’t be done correctly. Whatever the reason, we prefer not to deal with it. We expect that sometime along the line, at an appropriate time before the looming deadline, we will be either blessed with a miracle to occur and the issue will disappear altogether, or we will obtain some new knowledge/skill which will make the process so much easier than before and sure to be handled. Rather, what often happens, as the deadline approaches, our stress level elevates. Though the orphaned issue should not be taking up brain power, it does; a troublesome nagging in the back of our minds asking to be resolved. Our rising fear clouds our minds and we see the situation as even more dire than before; almost an impossible mountain. If we do not snap out of our fear induced reverie, we are sure to fail.

Problem solving strategies, coupled with good organization, will allow us to tackle any problem and seek help as necessary. Once we release our ego, our need to be perfect, we open ourselves to new ways of approaching our problems and previously unrecognized avenues to our concern’s resolution will appear. The mere act of starting, putting pen to paper, induces ideas to spring forth. Once started, the project will gain momentum and once in the flow, you will find that you have always had the tools necessary to master your doubt and worry. And once finished, the project can be put to the back burner, but for the right reasons.

Take the first step with purpose and all the following steps will naturally fall into place.

Learning and Growing

2009-09-04T11:23:00.000-04:00

It is September; a time usually associated with the start of a new school year. Students promise their parents, teachers, and themselves that they will study hard and get good grades. In the lower levels of education, studying hard and getting good grades were the central focus. Very rarely was the admonition to “Learn a lot so that you may use the information well someday.” Rather our guiding idea has been the achievement of high marks and the acquisition of more prestigious degrees. The importance of the aforementioned notwithstanding, the journey of learning is a worthwhile endeavor all on its own.

When we open our minds to news ideas, we not only ingest the information presented to us, but we draw upon our past experiences to add context and value to our education. Therefore, rather than simply gaining knowledge about one subject, we are presented with the opportunity to make mental connections to other stored knowledge which increases our awareness and understanding of our environment.

When we are young, we are interested in a multitude of areas; our minds flitting about with boundless curiosity. As we age and allow ourselves to be confined within occupational labels, we often forget about our capacity to learn and explore new realms; resigning our educational exploits to yearly industry conferences and meetings.

Take the time to remember some of the things that interested you as a child. With the advent of the Internet, access to events and likeminded individuals is at your fingertips. Amaze yourself with your rediscovered talents and abilities and you will view your surroundings in a new light and with increased hope. Do yourself the favor of opening up to something new.

Make a commitment to continue to learn so that you never become stagnant and you always continue to grow.

Know Better and Be Better

2009-09-02T14:29:00.000-04:00

How many times have we heard someone say, “I know this is my issue,” and then continue on to discuss or enact that issue. Sure, one can appreciate that someone recognizes his/her faults. However, sometimes there is a certain complacency that comes along with declaring one’s issue. It is as if acknowledgement has become some sort of get-away-with-it-for-free pass, because, after all, it is an issue he/she is confronting.

However, is it really being actively addressed, or rather being treated as an unfortunate, yet stubborn trait to be accepted? The issue itself takes on a tangible form as it is scape-goated in lieu of accepting responsibilities for one’s actions. How can you be upset with someone for forgetting important paperwork when, as we know, he/she is forgetful. Once we label ourselves, we take ownership of qualities that do not serve our best interests. It is easy to hold ourselves to lower standards because the set expectations are mediocre at best. Perhaps we should take the position that in the process of getting to know ourselves, we note our faults and failings, and as we periodically review our selves, we can chart our real progress in becoming our better selves. If we rest on our “knowledge,” we deprive ourselves of realizing a truer expression of our core selves.

Knowing that you have faults is vastly different from acting upon them to transform yourself into someone better. Know Better and Be Better.

Letting Go of Relationships

2009-08-31T17:07:00.000-04:00

When relationships fail, somewhere along the line, one or both parties stopped being fulfilled by the union. Sometimes the relationship can be worked on, and sometimes not. Those times when one side desperately clings to the situation, unhappy outcomes are almost guaranteed. A person cannot cajole someone else into love/friendship. One can only control how we feel and react to others.

Our wanting and needing to “make” things work doesn’t take into consideration the role that the other person plays in the continued harmony or disharmony of the situation. In fact, it can be viewed as selfish because the sole perspective is from the position of “I.” As relationships are about “we,” the narrow-minded approach of “I” is doomed. In the beginning, the skewed pairing may appear to work, but it cannot sustain itself from a one-sided basis. Relationships must be lovingly nurtured by all involved. There must be a constant dance of give and take.

When it is over, understand that as change is the only constant in our lives, all relationships must evolve, and sometimes that evolution results in a dissolution. Rather than maintain an attachment to a situation in which one claims to no longer be satisfied, know that in the long run, you too would have been unsatisfied, for your endless giving would deplete you and you’d have nothing to show for your love, time, and effort. Being let go is, in a way, being done a favor. The other person is indicating to you that he/she will no longer be able to furnish you with the love, energy, desire, longing, respect, and care you deserve because he/she is no longer into you. It’s much better to know in a straightforward manner rather than languish in a mediocre partnership that neither nourishes your spirit nor brings you happiness.

Be okay with letting go of relationships that no longer work. A bad fit for him/her translates to a bad fit for you too.